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The Bloody Glove Incident.

The Princess is working my nerves today. Its only 9:23 in the morning by the way. Already making comments that infer her superiority to all.

Let me go back a few steps and explain to you why her and I have such friction between us- including the most recent incident which has left me with a resentment I find difficult to overcome. Actually, I am not quite sure that I even want to overcome it at this point… I have made a fair share of efforts to put differences aside and to develop some type of relationship with this woman because she is my brother’s girlfriend, but after this last situation played out, I have a very difficult time finding a reason to salvage our relationship. I find myself purposely giving her attitude back to her, you see she constantly gives little “digs” when she talks to someone, as in she makes little comments that are hurtful, inappropriate, and sometimes just downright mean and disguises them as a joke, except that they’re nowhere near humor inducing. So I have decided to adopt her attitude towards others, and project that on to her, which surprise, surprise, she does not like. It’s your medicine that tastes so bad sweetheart, not mine- I just wanted you to have a taste of your own.

All malicious intent aside, I promised to explain the situation that has, as of late, caused such a rift. There are other issues swirling the bowl: my resentment towards her relationship with my mother, and the hurtful comments she makes about it (“oh, i forgot, your mom doesn’t talk to you about stuff like she talks to me”), the fact that my brother has literally lost friends because of her actions and attitude, the fact that my brother and I’s relationship has completely drifted apart because of her presence, her lack of making any attempt to build a relationship with me, the rude, condescending way she speaks to others including friends AND family members of mine…. gosh, I suppose there are quite a few reasons we don’t get along. (I think that when your mother and father dislike your significant other after over two years, it should be a red flag.) I truly wish we did get along though, because there are times when I get a glimmer of a good person through the tough-girl, high-on-her-horse  fiscad she has created. She is obviously not all bad, and I respect that my brother loves her. She is definitely fun, outgoing, independent, smart and beautiful. We all have faults.

The night of my friend The Banker’s accident, however, everything changed.

A few months ago, The Banker had a birthday celebration in my least favorite part of Chicago, Wriglyville. As many of you well know, I am a recovering addict and I do not drink alcohol. The Banker is what us addicts like to call a “normie friend” and therefore is not an addict. I’d like to refer to this incident lightly, as ‘The Bloody Glove Incident’ because obviously my gloves, as well as other articles of everyone present’s clothing, did in fact become stained with blood.

Anyhow, The Princess, My BF, My brother, and the Long-Distance Couple (LDC) all piled into the car and I drove us to The Banker’s party in Wrigley. Initially I almost didn’t go inside the bar, however The Banker has been a longtime good friend and has always supported my recovery. A few fellow addicts (Biggie Smalls and his friends) said they would meet me at the bar, which made me feel more comfortable about going (an addict, no matter how long clean, should never walk into a potentially dangerous situation with no support). No more than ten minutes after arriving do I realize that The Banker is completely wasted in a way I have never seen him before. I attempt to give him water but it’s just too late, and he stumbles to the bathroom to throw up, with My BF chasing right behind. Of course, a bouncer sees this and kicks The Banker out. As you can imagine, The Banker is belligerent at this point, and therefore is attempting to fight with us, get back inside, and even fight with the bouncer. (who by the way is a total d*ck with a Napoleon complex… about 5’3″ and obviously on steroids to compensate for his lack of real balls.. he works at Rebel in case you’d like to check my description out for yourself!) The Princess, at this point, is very concerned about her night of partying being ruined and proceeds to almost fight with another woman and then tries to convince the rest of the crew that we should just leave The Banker, screw him, who cares. Right. Because we would ever do that to her, so we should definitely do it to someone we care about… umm, no.

Of course at some point during this chaos, my brother bows to his princess, and they go across the street to get pizza. The Banker is out of control and we are beginning to worry. He runs across the street and we all sort-of circle up around him. All of his other friends have pretty much left him, and its only the LDC, My BF, and I. Suddenly, The Banker attempts to quickly turn around and make a get-away. unfortunately, there is black ice underneath him and he slips. CRACK. Silence. The four of us are stunned, and after a second the shock wears off and we realize something is wrong. The Banker is not breathing, or moving. We roll him over on his side and he is bleeding so much that it looks like he just got into a major car accident and was flung from the car. He starts breathing after a few seconds but he is definitely unconscious and he has most definitely shattered his nose, and lord knows what else. He is shaking from the cold, and we call an ambulance, fearing the worst. Once the ambulance comes, we realize that The Princess and her slave are nowhere to be found. Oh, I’m sorry, they were busy eating pizza while their friend was gushing blood on the pavement. The rest of the crew has decided to go to the emergency room to make sure that The Banker is well. The Princess and my brother, of course, refuse to go. Obviously this is unacceptable to the rest of us normal human beings with any speck of a heart. The next day, I find out that The Banker will be confined to the ICU for a few days, as his injury is obviously serious. He actually could have died had we not been there. Do The Princess or my brother ask if The Banker is ok? No. Eventually, my brother does, however the Princess of course doesn’t give a f*ck. The Banker ends up needing two surgeries but is now totally recovered. (yay!) The other day he stopped by the office to say “Hi” and have me sign a few papers (he is also my actual banker) and The Princess did not so much as attempt to say hi to him.

I know that I cannot control the actions of others, however the response that The Princess, and even to some degree my brother, gave to this situation is absolutely appalling and unacceptable to me. Ever since that night, I have had an incredibly difficult time discounting her actions. To me it is a great measure of her character I mean, what if that happened to me, or My Brother… would she behave in the same way? In some ways, I feel that my brother fell short as well. I know him and I know that The Princess greatly influenced his reaction to the situation, but he is a grown adult and should have stepped up as a man with good character and more importantly as a friend.  Due to the fact that this situation has obviously caused me to see her in a different light, I feel as though I am constantly uncovering more undesirable personality traits she possesses. It’s almost as if it has completely tarnished her character and it continues to lose more and more shine by the day.

The other morning, The Tyrant didn’t come into the office until 2pm. The Princess and The Megaphone decided to pour themselves a large shot of vodka. Not only did the Princess tell me that I “needed to take a shot……….. just kidding,” but she also made another comment that almost knocked me over. She is well aware of the fact that I am in recovery and that I do not drink, etc. and that she shouldn’t be even joking about me taking shots…its just not appropriate or respectful.  What was her condescending comment you ask?: “You know your going to give in on the trip. Your gonna end up drinking anyway”

Wow. Such class and respect. How do I get past that?

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There are six people who work in my office. Actually there are a few other reps, but none really worth character assassinating. What characters they are. A tyrant control freak, an alcoholic in denial, an over-the top inappropriate megaphone mouth, the office ditz- whom I must say will definitely be the first to be voted off the island… after her mouth is duct taped shut and she’s been stoned and quartered because *sniffle* nobody can stand the b*tch, A  princess with-suprise- an attitude problem…. Oh yeah, and the criminal storyteller. Miles of stories this man tells… and I for one am betting 15% of it is actually truth. Comedic genius! I’d say another 25% is truth that has been stretched almost beyond recognition of the original story, and the rest is complete BS- as in Bulls*it.  You couldn’t make this sh*t up, seriously.

Now, before you blow a gasket about my judgemental attitude, let me say a few words- first of all, society as a whole judges based on what they see…(dont try to convince me your the exception to the rule, or you are above the rest.. you my friend, are simply a liar!) We don’t always want to, but we always do it. Think about it- you see someone wearing a clown suit walking down the street on a Monday, and tell me your first thought is “what a wonderful man that must be”.. if you DO think that, I will be the first to congratulate you and admit my wrongs. Unfortunately, I am betting that wasn’t your first thought (it was probably somewhere along the lines of “what the f*ck?!”). Secondly, these people do have good qualities, and on occasion can be great people (cue sappy music).  well, the princess has a hard time with it, but collectively these are good people. I never said they were not. For the purposes of brutal honesty, internet blogging, humor, and personal satisfaction, we will all remain calm and take this with a grain of salt. A very entertaining grain of salt… one that will never lie to you and tell you it is sugar. Third, if this really bothers you, then just stop right here. Just stop. Stop reading, close your web browser, and find your happy place. For the rest of you cyber-voyers with a serious addiction to shameless gossip, on with the show!!!

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simple be.

I am me. I am just like you, except different. I sit here, quiet in my own thoughts. Listening. Absorbing. Over zealous, too thoughtful. And I do not speak… I hear everything but say nothing. I control everything. The center of my plump, licked shiny bottom lip begins to press foreward as the right crease begins to spread across my face, I sinfully look up at you, and you know that I am flirting. I control you, and I know you don’t believe me, but thats exactly what I where I want you to be……

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