The Princess is working my nerves today. Its only 9:23 in the morning by the way. Already making comments that infer her superiority to all.

Let me go back a few steps and explain to you why her and I have such friction between us- including the most recent incident which has left me with a resentment I find difficult to overcome. Actually, I am not quite sure that I even want to overcome it at this point… I have made a fair share of efforts to put differences aside and to develop some type of relationship with this woman because she is my brother’s girlfriend, but after this last situation played out, I have a very difficult time finding a reason to salvage our relationship. I find myself purposely giving her attitude back to her, you see she constantly gives little “digs” when she talks to someone, as in she makes little comments that are hurtful, inappropriate, and sometimes just downright mean and disguises them as a joke, except that they’re nowhere near humor inducing. So I have decided to adopt her attitude towards others, and project that on to her, which surprise, surprise, she does not like. It’s your medicine that tastes so bad sweetheart, not mine- I just wanted you to have a taste of your own.

All malicious intent aside, I promised to explain the situation that has, as of late, caused such a rift. There are other issues swirling the bowl: my resentment towards her relationship with my mother, and the hurtful comments she makes about it (“oh, i forgot, your mom doesn’t talk to you about stuff like she talks to me”), the fact that my brother has literally lost friends because of her actions and attitude, the fact that my brother and I’s relationship has completely drifted apart because of her presence, her lack of making any attempt to build a relationship with me, the rude, condescending way she speaks to others including friends AND family members of mine…. gosh, I suppose there are quite a few reasons we don’t get along. (I think that when your mother and father dislike your significant other after over two years, it should be a red flag.) I truly wish we did get along though, because there are times when I get a glimmer of a good person through the tough-girl, high-on-her-horse  fiscad she has created. She is obviously not all bad, and I respect that my brother loves her. She is definitely fun, outgoing, independent, smart and beautiful. We all have faults.

The night of my friend The Banker’s accident, however, everything changed.

A few months ago, The Banker had a birthday celebration in my least favorite part of Chicago, Wriglyville. As many of you well know, I am a recovering addict and I do not drink alcohol. The Banker is what us addicts like to call a “normie friend” and therefore is not an addict. I’d like to refer to this incident lightly, as ‘The Bloody Glove Incident’ because obviously my gloves, as well as other articles of everyone present’s clothing, did in fact become stained with blood.

Anyhow, The Princess, My BF, My brother, and the Long-Distance Couple (LDC) all piled into the car and I drove us to The Banker’s party in Wrigley. Initially I almost didn’t go inside the bar, however The Banker has been a longtime good friend and has always supported my recovery. A few fellow addicts (Biggie Smalls and his friends) said they would meet me at the bar, which made me feel more comfortable about going (an addict, no matter how long clean, should never walk into a potentially dangerous situation with no support). No more than ten minutes after arriving do I realize that The Banker is completely wasted in a way I have never seen him before. I attempt to give him water but it’s just too late, and he stumbles to the bathroom to throw up, with My BF chasing right behind. Of course, a bouncer sees this and kicks The Banker out. As you can imagine, The Banker is belligerent at this point, and therefore is attempting to fight with us, get back inside, and even fight with the bouncer. (who by the way is a total d*ck with a Napoleon complex… about 5’3″ and obviously on steroids to compensate for his lack of real balls.. he works at Rebel in case you’d like to check my description out for yourself!) The Princess, at this point, is very concerned about her night of partying being ruined and proceeds to almost fight with another woman and then tries to convince the rest of the crew that we should just leave The Banker, screw him, who cares. Right. Because we would ever do that to her, so we should definitely do it to someone we care about… umm, no.

Of course at some point during this chaos, my brother bows to his princess, and they go across the street to get pizza. The Banker is out of control and we are beginning to worry. He runs across the street and we all sort-of circle up around him. All of his other friends have pretty much left him, and its only the LDC, My BF, and I. Suddenly, The Banker attempts to quickly turn around and make a get-away. unfortunately, there is black ice underneath him and he slips. CRACK. Silence. The four of us are stunned, and after a second the shock wears off and we realize something is wrong. The Banker is not breathing, or moving. We roll him over on his side and he is bleeding so much that it looks like he just got into a major car accident and was flung from the car. He starts breathing after a few seconds but he is definitely unconscious and he has most definitely shattered his nose, and lord knows what else. He is shaking from the cold, and we call an ambulance, fearing the worst. Once the ambulance comes, we realize that The Princess and her slave are nowhere to be found. Oh, I’m sorry, they were busy eating pizza while their friend was gushing blood on the pavement. The rest of the crew has decided to go to the emergency room to make sure that The Banker is well. The Princess and my brother, of course, refuse to go. Obviously this is unacceptable to the rest of us normal human beings with any speck of a heart. The next day, I find out that The Banker will be confined to the ICU for a few days, as his injury is obviously serious. He actually could have died had we not been there. Do The Princess or my brother ask if The Banker is ok? No. Eventually, my brother does, however the Princess of course doesn’t give a f*ck. The Banker ends up needing two surgeries but is now totally recovered. (yay!) The other day he stopped by the office to say “Hi” and have me sign a few papers (he is also my actual banker) and The Princess did not so much as attempt to say hi to him.

I know that I cannot control the actions of others, however the response that The Princess, and even to some degree my brother, gave to this situation is absolutely appalling and unacceptable to me. Ever since that night, I have had an incredibly difficult time discounting her actions. To me it is a great measure of her character I mean, what if that happened to me, or My Brother… would she behave in the same way? In some ways, I feel that my brother fell short as well. I know him and I know that The Princess greatly influenced his reaction to the situation, but he is a grown adult and should have stepped up as a man with good character and more importantly as a friend.  Due to the fact that this situation has obviously caused me to see her in a different light, I feel as though I am constantly uncovering more undesirable personality traits she possesses. It’s almost as if it has completely tarnished her character and it continues to lose more and more shine by the day.

The other morning, The Tyrant didn’t come into the office until 2pm. The Princess and The Megaphone decided to pour themselves a large shot of vodka. Not only did the Princess tell me that I “needed to take a shot……….. just kidding,” but she also made another comment that almost knocked me over. She is well aware of the fact that I am in recovery and that I do not drink, etc. and that she shouldn’t be even joking about me taking shots…its just not appropriate or respectful.  What was her condescending comment you ask?: “You know your going to give in on the trip. Your gonna end up drinking anyway”

Wow. Such class and respect. How do I get past that?

You’re Cut Off!


You’re Cut Off! is definatly, by far and wide, one of the greatest reality television shows conceptualized… besides Jersey Shore that is. After surfing Vh1.com for a few minutes during my boss-free time at work this morning, I came across this gem of a show. I’ve actually seen an episode or two of last season’s show but I was unaware that they had a second season. Why nobody has mentioned this incredibly groundbreaking series return to me I am still wondering. THIS is quality television.

If you have never seen You’re Cut Off! (i know its unecessary but the exclamation just makes it so much better), then let me give you the low down. Thirteen or so women of “wealth” (or filth, depending on what your definition of the word ‘rich’ is) who live a very upscale and expensive lifestyle funded completely by their parents or significant others are taken from their posh lifestyles and basically caged  (gasp!) in a mock middle-to-lower income lifestyle. They are all required to bunk in a crammed house with no frills, grocery shop on a tight budget, get a job, and get this- they have NO maids, butlers, chauffers, etc. and therefore have to rely on their own abilities and those of their housemates (the other hyperspoiled women). Now, I’d be lying if I said that watching these women do chores, figure out what a gutter is (which by the way, who the f*ck over the age of 10 does NOT KNOW what gutters are and where they are located on a house?!?!?!?), and attempt to hold a “normal” job was hilarious, cringe-worthy, and at times embarrasing and shameful in terms of uncovering their morals, beliefs, and views of the world. Thats good stuff right there on its own, but what is GREAT about the show… the TRUE gems of the show, are watching these monsterwomen try to, or try to do the opposite of, get along. Kind of reminds me of the princess in a way… actually, in a lot of ways. Another fabulous gem? Watching them recoil with repulse from things 98% of the population does on a regular basis, like not having a driver or having to actually work!!

Watching these monsterwomen interact is a guilty pleasure I truly think you should allow yourself. Watching Jen self-destruct however, is probably the single greatest, heart-wrenching, and disturbing bit of television I’ve ever come across- reality or otherwise

There are six people who work in my office. Actually there are a few other reps, but none really worth character assassinating. What characters they are. A tyrant control freak, an alcoholic in denial, an over-the top inappropriate megaphone mouth, the office ditz- whom I must say will definitely be the first to be voted off the island… after her mouth is duct taped shut and she’s been stoned and quartered because *sniffle* nobody can stand the b*tch, A  princess with-suprise- an attitude problem…. Oh yeah, and the criminal storyteller. Miles of stories this man tells… and I for one am betting 15% of it is actually truth. Comedic genius! I’d say another 25% is truth that has been stretched almost beyond recognition of the original story, and the rest is complete BS- as in Bulls*it.  You couldn’t make this sh*t up, seriously.

Now, before you blow a gasket about my judgemental attitude, let me say a few words- first of all, society as a whole judges based on what they see…(dont try to convince me your the exception to the rule, or you are above the rest.. you my friend, are simply a liar!) We don’t always want to, but we always do it. Think about it- you see someone wearing a clown suit walking down the street on a Monday, and tell me your first thought is “what a wonderful man that must be”.. if you DO think that, I will be the first to congratulate you and admit my wrongs. Unfortunately, I am betting that wasn’t your first thought (it was probably somewhere along the lines of “what the f*ck?!”). Secondly, these people do have good qualities, and on occasion can be great people (cue sappy music).  well, the princess has a hard time with it, but collectively these are good people. I never said they were not. For the purposes of brutal honesty, internet blogging, humor, and personal satisfaction, we will all remain calm and take this with a grain of salt. A very entertaining grain of salt… one that will never lie to you and tell you it is sugar. Third, if this really bothers you, then just stop right here. Just stop. Stop reading, close your web browser, and find your happy place. For the rest of you cyber-voyers with a serious addiction to shameless gossip, on with the show!!!

Let her eat pie.

If you have a master’s degree in communications, and you aspire to have a career in HR, wouldn’t you be exceptional in the customer service department? Apparently not. The princess has been receiving quite a few complaints lately about her phone etiquette and the way she interacts with customers. The words “short” and “rude” have definitely been used. I for one, am so glad to finally see that others are taking notice of her completely inappropriate, high-on-her-horse attitude. Someone needs a double helping of humble pie— pronto!!

Heres another quick question:

 If its below zero and snowing, would YOU walk around the city of Chicago in any of the following:

1. An easter pink jean jacket

2. A short skirt and heels with no tights, socks, or protective gear.

3. moccasins

I absolutely realize the last one is quite odd, but trust that I just saw a man walking down the incredibly wet and snowy street wearing some dirty old brown moccasins. Oh and did I mention that he was NOT homeless?

Death of a sister

Sunday, January 15th, an angel recieved her wings… far before her time. You see, as addicts, when we take our will into our own hands and out of G*d’s hands, we are putting ourselves in danger of these type of drastic things happening. I believe in a power greater than myself, and I also believe that there are no coincidences. For every birth, there is death. For every tragedy, another triumphs. For every moment of pain, there is an equal, and greater moment of pleasure. Sometimes, if we just hold on, if we just ride it out, we will find that there is a purpose for the suffering. We will see that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train. Each day that we wake up, it is a gift from our G*d. It is not guaranteed, and it can be taken from us in a split second, especially when we take back our own will.

As painful as it is for me to have lost a wonderful, vibrant, intelligent woman in my life, I know that there is a reason. Hopefully, her death will teach another addict how to live. Her death will open an ear, an eye, a bit of the soul of someone who is suffering. It will help them see that life is precious, that we are all important to someone, and that addiction is real and alive, even if we are not out there living actively in it. She has a young son, 17 years old, who is also an addict in recovery. What I can only pray for is that this tragedy will birth a strong desire within him to stay clean and sober indefinatly.

Many around the rooms are mourning. In recovery, word travels very quickly. We are a very tight knit community, even those who have just walked through the doors for the very first time are welcomed as part of the family. As we all experience the depths of our own pain, we are reminded to be humble, and to be grateful for the life that we have been given, just for today. We can stay clean in her honor, we can forge greater bonds in her honor, and we can help the newcomer, especially her young son, in her honor. Unfortunatly, this is the reality of addiction. I, as well as many other addicts in and out of recovery, have experienced great loss Sometimes, going back out means never coming back in. Sometimes, “one more” really means “no more”. We must accept that we are recovering from an incurable and, without treatment, fatal disease.

Fortunatly for us however, there is a way out. There is a way to arrest our desease and treat it. We can live normal, healthy, wonderfully full lifes. We DO recover.

simple be.

I am me. I am just like you, except different. I sit here, quiet in my own thoughts. Listening. Absorbing. Over zealous, too thoughtful. And I do not speak… I hear everything but say nothing. I control everything. The center of my plump, licked shiny bottom lip begins to press foreward as the right crease begins to spread across my face, I sinfully look up at you, and you know that I am flirting. I control you, and I know you don’t believe me, but thats exactly what I where I want you to be……